Here is the link to purchase the services of Vincent Gallo.

I read the advertisement, and from the way Vincent constructed it, this is for a very select clientele. From the advertisement, I quote:

I, Vincent Gallo, star of such classics as Buffalo 66 and The Brown Bunny have decided to make myself available to all women. All women who can afford me, that is. For the modest fee of $50,000 plus expenses, I can fulfill the wish, dream, or fantasy of any naturally born female.

Soooooo, test tube babies are not applicable. Select, indeed.

I loved it. I would watch it again.



This film felt like equal parts 2001: A Space Odyssey and "The Twilight Zone," in all the good ways. Even better, while you're watching it, is the mind-blowing fact that this film cost only $5 million to make.

The best way I can describe the premise ... a man finishing up the final stretch of a work contract on the Moon finds out about what's under the surface.

Link

Did Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger intend to send an extra message in his veto?

( The San Francisco Chronicle's article, under the cut: )

Here is the link to Ammiano's Assembly Bill 1176. It was a basic bill to include waterfront property designation in the financing districts, for purpose of collecting more taxes. The bill also called to re-organize taxes to reflect a rise in property value.

The following image is the Governor's veto to AB 1176.

vv (Read Left Side of Page, from the Top on Down) vv

To the Members of the California State Assembly, F-U-C-K ... Y-O-U!

I don't really have an opinion on the Governator's rule. I understand that California is suffering almost similar malaise in terms of lost jobs and deficit to that of the state of Michigan. He may not be a very good governor. He is, however, a favorite actor of mine, and if he actually did carry out this strange message with full intent for the spelled-out phrase, then I suggest this be the response used by the Governor in an official statement:

To the Members of the California State Assembly:

I am writing to you in response to the veto I handed back to you, regarding AB 1176.

Any specific coded messages or perceptions thereof should be considered coincidence.

Moreso, I assure you that I intend no direct malice to Assemblyman Tom Ammiano.

A simple occurrence of formatted text should not be considered a direct response to Mr. Ammiano,
who recently uttered for me, in no uncertain terms, to kiss his gay ass.  I am certain that
everyone will see my response for what the veto really means.  I reiterate that my legislature
still needs to pass more important bills, measures that will more greatly protect and benefit
our great state's people.  Certainly you understand the sincerity of my wish for the Assembly to
meet me with more worthwhile documents.  We are not in the business of carrying out spiteful and
esoteric retorts, of that I can wholeheartedly assure you.

Sincerely,

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Well, this isn't encouraging news for Wings fans.

( Devellano's cautionary message, under the cut: )

Keep in mind that Wings fans complaining about a sudden iceberg would come off like Wall Street executives screaming about losing their bonuses.

That being said, Devellano's right. The Wings experienced a huge exodus of talent over the summer. Maybe one would point to losing a guy like Marián Hossa as the chief reason for their average play this year, but Hossa only played for the Wings for one season, and the Wings won the Cup without him in 2008. Hossa's a star, but his departure isn't the reason. It's the void of depth that kills.

For example, the Wings aren't sure if they have enough talent at goalie, considering what Devellano said. Osgood remains an above-average goalie with a hell of a clutch game during the spring. That doesn't do any good to Detroit, however, if they can't make the playoffs. The Wings need someone to spell Chris during the year. It's too early to tell on Jimmy Howard, but I doubt if he's as stable as Ty Conklin. In just two seasons, Detroit has gone from a duo of Osgood and eventual-HOFer Dominik Hašek during the championship year, to Osgood and Conklin last year, to Osgood and Howard this year. Howard's no Hašek, that's for sure.

Another part of that depth erosion that goes without much notice is the loss of Jiří Hudler.

Hudler's 25. 57 points from a 2nd-liner is solid. Hudler should have been with the Wings for another 5-10 seasons, but he chose Dynamo Moscow in the Kontinental Hockey League for $10 million over two years. That was roughly 2x what the Wings could afford to pay him, due to limited remaining space under the NHL's salary cap.

I mean, never mind that Hudler looks like Squiggy from "Laverne and Shirley," Hudler was worth the money.

Jiří Hudler and David Lander's "Squiggy."

The KHL has decent talent, like many European leagues, but it's not the best collection of talent. The NHL still provides the highest level of competition for players. It was definitely about the money with Hudler, and I don't blame Hudler for taking a hell of a deal. His reasoning is sound. If he can be paid twice as much to be a top player in the league on a premier club in their league, then it's better than being less than a 1st-liner for the Wings.

Unfortunately for the Wings, the team lost Johan Franzén for several months to a torn ACL. It's misfortune like this that compounds the loss of guys like Hudler.

There are still a lot of guys on the Wings roster who are staring at the end of their careers on the horizon, due to their age ... Kris Draper's 38, Tomas Holmstrom's 36, Kirk Maltby's 36, recently-bargain-hired Brad May's 37, Nicklas Lidstrom's 39, Brian Rafalski's 36, and Chris Osgood's 36. Maltby, May, and Osgood all have birthdays during the next 2 months. This is not a young team. Lidstrom, the superstar from this list, is showing his age.

Devellano's words appear very wise. It took a while, but the cap has finally caught up to the Detroit Red Wings. There are good kids on the way up from Detroit's system ... Darren Helm and Justin Abdelkader are both 22, and they show that they'll be around the league for a long time. Also, with the scouting and management that Detroit has, the club shouldn't hurt for new talent. The days of having grand old rosters pregnant with veteran stars, however, are long gone. Say goodbye to the old days, Wings fans. At least, for the moment, the Wings aren't as bad as the Leafs.

Link

( Story: )

Now if he could take Mary Sue with him, it'd be perfect.

Note to WVU haters: ESPN ID 'shelldawv' wrote, in response:

Why would WVU fans care about Martin stepping down...he has helped build WVU football and B-ball programs... If you don't believe me..just take a look at the polls....WVU football in the Top 25 in all polls...UM NOT...WVU recruitng higher than ever..even competing with the likes of Okla., Ga., Fla., Fla. St., N.D., Ohio St and even to a lesser school like UM..ha....The best ASST. coaching corp. in the nation, thanks to coach Stewart..including some of the best recruiting coaches in the country.

WVU B-Ball in Top 10 pre-season polls and picked to win the Big East...THE TOUGHEST CONF. in NCAA ball, and talk of a NC under Huggins....UM NOT !!

So maybe WVU should off Martin a job, or at least a bonus...he has helped build WVU's athletics......and got rid of WVU's garbage at the same time!

If that was one's reasoning, wouldn't the pattern reverse if WVU hired Martin? That's like wishing West Virginia would get the black plague.

In unrelated news, Desmond Howard still rules.

Link

( The article behind the cut: )

Well, I'm glad the union voiced disagreement on the potential inclusion of a lunatic owning a NFL franchise. Granted, the NFLPA has no official capacity to veto Rush's bid, but the players' opinions need to be recognized. If the NFL believes that player conduct affects the image of the league, then controversial owners would also likely affect the image. Goodell expects to suspend players like Adam Jones, Michael Vick, and other players for misbehavior. He shouldn't hold a more favorable double standard among the owners.

Potential Owner/Master of the St. Louis Rams? Yecch.

Link

( The article, under the cut: )

The current cut-off time is 2 AM in the bars and stores.

When they posted this story, there was a rise of complaints from people, stemming over the idea that a couple more hours a night would quadruple the drunks on the road. What a load of trash that idea is.

( More about Michigan's liquor laws behind the cut. )

The people most against this change were taking attitudes as if the world would be a better place if Americans had less access ... or didn't have any access to it. That is a dangerous idea. Prohibition ushered in the Purple Gang's rise to power in the 1920s. These bootleggers helped countless other organized crime families rise to great power. Guys like Al Capone became a problem because of prohibition.

And, of course, you know prohibition had to be a swell idea, since the KKK was all for it.

Haters.

It's not much money, however, the $1500 per year. The low amount seems like it's designed to be affordable to even the lowest-traffic dives in the state. My wish would be for this to operate as sort of an either/or deal ... either a small percentage of last year's revenue, or in cases of new licenses, a higher x-amount. That way, they're getting way more from the big bars.

At any rate, it's money that Michigan doesn't do a great job of finding, since this state is terribly inept at coming up with new ways to generate state revenue. This is a welcome idea, to me. It sure beats jacking up a gas or cigarette tax to even higher amounts. Those turnips have been absolutely bled.

When I was a kid, I adored Michael Winslow. This guy can do so many sound effects with his voice ... I'm still amazed. I can't even begin to imagine what it takes to train your voice to produce some of the sounds. Here's 3 vids ... there's tons more on YouTube.

I don't care very much when it comes to writing about Major League Baseball. I used to love it, up until 1994, when the work stoppage canceled the rest of the season, including the World Series. If the MLB had that much trouble and so much time to waste at the expense of so many fans ... then, they followed that travesty with ridiculous failures in drug-monitoring, year after year, up until now ... MLB still deserves little attention. I avoid writing about it as much as possible.

The game itself, however, is great. Greatness came tonight, in the form of a tie-breaking 163rd game. The Twins beat the Tigers, 6-5, in extra innings. Normally, these things happen in films, exactly like this. You can't make a closer finish than an end-of-season tie that needs a 1-game playoff for the division ... one that goes 12 innings, no less.

Tigers had a shot to end the game numerous times, but each time, fortune smiled on the Twins. Twins finally got the relief pitcher, Rodney, in trouble in the 12th, and one run immediately ended the game for the home team.

Congratulations to the Twins. A 17-4 finish to the season was what it took to take the division, and that's epic. They deserve the title. Unfortunately, I considered the winner of this game down 2-0 already to the Yankees, who the Twins will now face in the first leg of the MLB playoffs. The Yankees are great at everything. Twins advancing past them would be even more epic.

Tigers fans are sad pandas. They shouldn't be too sad, though. If you didn't see this coming in September, then you're a fool.

The new official state animal of Michigan.

As for the Tigers, if you blame Leyland for Rayburn's misplayed ball in left, among the numerous things that didn't get done by the Tigers players ... the blame's misplaced. Leyland makes errors, and you can cite some dubious decisions he made down the stretch, but this game isn't part of your closing argument. The players play the game, and the Tigers were in the habit of not getting it done on the field this entire final month. When you lose to teams like Kansas City, you're begging to come up short in the end. The Twins may have atrocious pitching, but their fielding is decent, and their hitting is great. The Tigers didn't really have great fielding, and their hitting was terrible. Tigers may have solid starting pitching, but their bullpen is just average. Distractions like Miguel Cabrera's drunken domestic disturbance call didn't help him or the team. He played well today, but Miguel was in a small slump to finish the year, and this offseason, I merely suggest that he ask himself a hard question ... are his wife and kids truly beloved, or is it more on the spectrum of despise? If they're just a broad and brats to him, then do everyone a favor and stop making everyone's life miserable. You've got a little Mickey Mantle in you ... but not enough. Secure that shit, one way or the other.

Dombrowski, do Detroit a favor and get a left-handed slugger with average and power. If there's a guy like that on the market, pay him whatever. Comerica Park rewards lefty hitters, and the division features ballparks that can say the same. All decade, Detroit stocked big-right-handed bats. This has to stop. If you look at Minnesota's lineup, they're chock full of lefty-hitting options. Not enough lefties was a problem in 2006. It's 2009, Dave. The hitting stinks. Cabrera is great, but you have 8 more to fill a batting order, and one isn't enough.

Good luck to the Twins. You'll need it.

Link

Outstanding! The linked article:

'Red Dawn' film worker says items were stolen from her car in Detroit

BY B.J. HAMMERSTEIN
DETROITMETROMIX.COM EDITOR

A location scout for the new big-screen production of “Red Dawn” had her computer and other valuable work-related materials stolen from her car this afternoon in downtown Detroit.

Caitlin Ringness, a 27-year-old assistant location manager originally from Cleveland, Ohio, told the Detroit Free Press this afternoon her 2010 black Toyota Prius had its rear-view window smashed in about 2 p.m. outside the Dime Building while she was scouting an alley that will be shot for “Red Dawn” in about two weeks.

“Red Dawn,” a remake of the popular 1980s action-adventure, has been shooting around metro Detroit since early September.

Ringness said her black Swiss Gear backpack that was holding her Macbook laptop, two external hard drives, her Sprint wireless card and a ton of other notes and receipts related to this film project and others were taken. She said she was away from her vehicle for only about 15 minutes. The unidentified suspects didn’t take anything else, including a pack of CDs that were sitting in plain view and her purse, which was tucked under her driver’s seat.

“It’s really unfortunate this happened in a neighborhood we’re putting a lot of money into,” Ringness said of the alley off Griswold between Fort and Lafayette. "You know, it could happen anywhere. It’s just too bad that it happened right here where we’re filming.”

A film construction crew also was working right outside the Dime Building, but nobody noticed any suspects, she said. Ringness has been all around the city and the state. She’s been working on “Red Dawn” here since June and previously worked on Drew Barrymore’s film “Whip It,” which is in theaters now.

Ringness added that she contacted the Detroit Police Department and filed a report. She told the Free Press she would provide a reward if the computer and other work-related materials are returned. Ringness said anyone with information or who wants to return the materials should contact the police.

“It’s very stressful to not have this stuff needed for work right now,” Ringness said. “It does a put a bad taste in my mouth.”

Oh, my God.

Let's count the mistakes:

1. Cleveland, Ohio native
2. 2010 Black Toyota Prius
3. Macbook in plain sight
4. Remake of Red Dawn?!?

You know what leaves a bad taste in my mouth? People who lack this much common sense, driving around any urban area. All of the details scream of ignorance. I don't really believe that Ringness believes that it could happen anywhere. It appears to me that she believed it would never happen to her. She might not have been able to see it, but "ROB ME" was stamped on her forehead. If she was doing this for a few months, then it's actually a miracle this didn't happen sooner. No one really deserves misfortune for being stupid, but this is as close as it gets to earning it.

#4 is the most confusing detail. The original film capitalized off the lingering fear during the Cold War. In the original Red Dawn, the Soviet Union invaded the United States, and a small-town band of high school kids turned guerrilla terrorist on the Red Army. Since the Soviets were still a clear and present danger, the fear the film relied on to work was palpable. It also starred the late Patrick Swayze, and he did an awesome job. I watched that film a million times when I was a kid. It was riveting b-film fare, great American propaganda. Here's a clip in which the rag-tag terrorists save townies from a Soviet firing squad:



WOLVERINES!!! AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!!!!1 Wait .... what?!? America isn't the superpower?!?!?

Yeah, it's hard to believe there was a premise that relied on the Soviets to be yelling "MOTHER RUSSIA, FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!1" ... one where the American kids were told to lick Russian balls, one where we're the terrorists, where 'the man' hated us, where we were awesome ... but believe it! And it worked!

In order to make a film like this, there must be some sort of present and relevant threat to 'home' soil. The enemy must be a rival power, locked in war. The problem is, there's none of that at the moment. Present-day United States does not currently possess that possibility.

I read that it's Chinese and Russian troops this time. China, while a threat to go to war if relations deteriorate, isn't currently in that ballpark with the United States. Russia? Nah. There just isn't a clear rival right now. Terrorist groups like Al-Qaeda remotely resemble the original high-school-kid opposition more than anything else.

I wish them luck on this project, and the 'jobs' that are coming to Detroit are appreciated, but I can't really get excited about the chances of this film. I'll put it this way ... I really doubt this is going to be as awesome as Gran Torino. Of course, every film that shoots in metro-Detroit won't be Oscar-caliber, but if Hollywood wants to save some money, it should be more selective. Executives should be greenlighting better ideas than a Red Dawn remake ... but that's a whole other rant for some other time. If it works, then good for them, since it was against all odds.

As for Caitlin Ringness, I offer a weak apology, with the requirement that you understand what happened will happen in every big city. Lesson learned? I hope so.

Drew wrote a professional piece of drivel here, calling out Detroiters on the perceived lack of attendance at Comerica Park for last night's Tiger game.

( Behind the cut, Drew's colossal keyboard-shitting article, for permanence. )

I want to stress a particular offending paragraph:

It's inexcusable they're not getting 40,000 a night considering the heightened drama. The economy excuse has grown some graying whiskers. It's less about how little money people have in their pockets but how little faith they have in this team.

Here's a second offense:

It's embarrassing for a city that showcases its sports passion that the combination of a Tigers' must-win and potential Justin Verlander brilliance Tuesday night couldn't come even remotely close to filling up the ballpark on what was truly an electric day.

Okay ... let me take you to a similar time, on October 1st, 1987. Tigers beat the Orioles. They were in the middle of a pennant race, a close one, at that, just like they are, now. Back then, it was Detroit and Toronto. It went to the 162nd game before it was decided. But there's an interesting number you should see ... 19,749 people attended the game at Tiger Stadium that night. Granted, it was a match vs. the Orioles, who were not in the mix in the slightest, but it was an attendance number under 20,000 for a team in the middle of a close shave for the division championship, a number that falls far short of the approximate 52,000 capacity Tiger Stadium held.

Again, in later games, Drew probably got his 40,000 number from the Tigers / Jays series, both in Toronto at Exhibition Stadium, and at Tiger Stadium. That is a higher number, for sure, and the Jays and Tigers were constant rivals in that day, so naturally the attendance would jump. Just a few days later ... the final game of the year approached a capacity number. But it's important to note that the Tigers weren't netting 40,000 every night even in the last successful division race.

Drew, baseball gives a city 81 chances to see their home team. That's 40 more than the home team in the NBA and NHL. That's 73 more than the home team in the NFL. There is no sky-high demand for baseball tickets. People get the most number of chances to see their home team play in MLB.

Granted, late-season research to the latest top club, Philadelphia in 2008, shows that the Phillies crowds were near 40,000 each night toward the end of the season. There were a lot of people in attendance during the Rockies late-season stretch in 2007, as well. However, it's almost never a case where a baseball club is selling out the tickets to its home games, no matter what the state of the club. And, Detroit isn't a worst offender. There's other instances in other cities. In 2003, 25,311 attended this 157th game between the Florida Marlins, the eventual champions, and the Phillies at what is now called Land Shark Stadium. The Marlins were fighting to make the playoffs. The capacity that year was only 36,000, but the weather was a balmy 81 F. The Marlins are a usual case among MLB clubs ... no matter how close something might be, a MLB team isn't likely to sell-out or get close to that number.

Faith has nothing to do with it, Drew. If nobody cared, and everyone was down on this team, that game's attendance would have been less than 10,000. On September 25th, 2003, only 9,296 attended Comerica Park for the Tigers win over the Twins. That year, Detroit only won 43 games. Their 119 losses set an American League record previously held by the 117-game-losing 1916 Philadelphia Athletics. They missed tying the MLB record for team losses by one game. So, in a sense, Detroit was in a heated race to avoid singular infamy that year, and look how the fans responded. 9,296 is lack of care, Drew, and things were almost as bad for the city then as they are now.

If someone wants any kind of explanation to the low attendance beyond usual baseball attendance routine, then look to the weather. Last night was in the 50s for temperature. Tonight, it will drop to the 30s. That is not the kind of weather that draws fans into a park for a regular season game.

Comerica Park seats 41,782. If the Tigers end up hosting playoff games, then the numbers will increase. If it comes down to a game-clinching event, the attendance will also spike. But until then, 25,000 in lousy weather in a terminally-depressed region is a fucking testament to the peoples' support of sports. 30,000 made it to the game last night ... 35,000 to the early game. Get it right, Drew, or blog for free like everyone else.

Count me among the "sucked in." I want to see the Blair Witch Bedroom.

Confession: I really enjoyed The Blair Witch Project when it first arrived in the local independent movie house. I enjoyed it enough to invite friends back to watch it with me ... to see it myself, a 2nd time. Even though it doesn't have lasting value, it was a huge success.

In general, I enjoy the well-done films among this style of faux-documentary. [Rec] was one of those well-done docushockers, and it went on to be remade into Quarantine. I didn't see Cloverfield, but I've heard plenty of positive comments from friends about it.

Using 'live' footage is a tool sometimes used in conventional films, to great effect. One of the most gripping parts of the film Signs was the use of the video footage, with the emphasis on actor Joaquin Phoenix's shock.

Has anyone seen this? The trailer ... I've never seen the test audience used in the trailer before, I don't believe. Also, from their webpage ... lol @ this (Los Angeles Times via Film's Website):

Steven Spielberg was certain his copy of "Paranormal Activity" was haunted.

It was early 2008, and the director's DreamWorks studio was trying to decide whether it wanted to be a part of the micro-budgeted supernatural thriller. As the story goes, Spielberg had taken a "Paranormal Activity" DVD to his Pacific Palisades estate, and not long after he watched it, the door to his empty bedroom inexplicably locked from the inside, forcing him to summon a locksmith.

While Spielberg didn't want the "Paranormal Activity" disc anywhere near his home -- he brought the movie back to DreamWorks in a garbage bag, colleagues say -- he very much shared his studio's enthusiasm for director Oren Peli's haunting story about the demonic invasion of a couple's suburban tract house.

Clever marketing.

Drill Sergeant: "THAT CLOCK IS GONNA KEEP TICKING UNTIL IT REACHES 999!"

Student: "WHAT HAPPENS THEN?"

Drill Sergeant: "NOTHING. YOU JUST SSSUCK."

NFL kicks off tonight with Titans vs. Steelers. I can officially sweep the other sports under the carpet .... not to be annoyed with them until sometime in March.

( Behind the cut, the .gif animation and logo for my new fantasy football team... )

It comes from one of my favorite b-films of all-time, Surviving the Game, a loose adaptation of "The Most Dangerous Game" by Richard Connell. When you cast Ice-T, Rutger Hauer, Charles S. Dutton, Gary Busey, and John C. McGinley in an action film like this, you can't go wrong.

Some are born to endless night.

Matthew Stafford is the starting QB ... for the Detroit Lions.

The future? Sweet delight ... or endless night, soon, with dead certainty.

Pre-season games have one actual benefit - watching for individual failures.

New Orleans 45, Oakland 7 doesn't really mean anything ... well, maybe that the Oakland defense is in trouble on all strings. But what did strike my interest ... in the middle of a banner New Orleans offensive display ... one where almost everyone including Joey Harrington went off for big success ....

Mark Brunell racked up a line of 13 attempts, 4 completions, 30.8 completion rate, 86 passing yards, 0 TDs, 2 INTs, and a 15.7 QB rating.

First reaction ... yeah, that Mark Brunell. Still active ... if you can call it 'active' with a straight face.

I realize that Mark was once a better QB than Joey Harrington. Today, however, I'm not even sure that he's a better QB than his wife.

UPDATE: The Saints cut Harrington on September 5th. They kept Brunell! Unbelievable! Brunell doesn't register a pulse!

This film stunned me. I didn't expect much from District 9, except to be entertained by an unusual twist in the premise ... the aliens who landed on Earth became the prisoners.

Neill Blomkamp created a poignant social commentary. South Africa is no stranger to problems with race relations. Only in their recent history was the South African apartheid abolished, so there are direct similarities to the South African oppression as well as more barbaric, Nazi-esque resemblances. The director suggests that human nature is far more parasitic than the shrimp-like humanoids who found their misfortune by entering our atmosphere.

South African turmoil, post-apartheid, is also a major theme. There is much unrest in the country's current times. Blomkamp detailed the odd pairings of the "Prawn" (the shrimp-like humanoids) in a camp, living among displaced Nigerians. According to Blomkamp, the South Africans of all colors are rattled by the huge influx of immigrants over the last few years, and their aversion to the Prawn and all other outsiders is clearly detailed. Also, South Africa appears to have somewhat of a wild-west business atmosphere, as a burgeoning private defense industry has dominated the country's GDP.

Wikus Van De Merwe (Sharlto Copley) works for the MNU (Multi-National United), a private company heavily invested in advanced weaponry design and production. MNU appoints Wilkus to lead the operation to transfer the alien camp, aka "District 9," to a new facility many miles outside the city of Johannesburg. The camp is a heavily-militarized compound whose inhabitants have turned into a sprawling shanty town complete with tin houses and garbage-caked streets.

( Behind the cut, only mild spoilers follow. )

The film's budget ran to only $30 million dollars, which amazes me because it looks every bit as amazing as your standard big-budget Hollywood film. The production companies did a nice job of creating and animating the Prawn. Almost all of the scenes with the aliens are the work of CGI, and what's great is that they appear naturally, instead of the contrast one normally gets between live action and CGI, especially with so many digitally-drawn characters.

Blomkamp appears to have a great career ahead of him. It's amazing that this is one of his earliest efforts. Go out and enjoy this wonderful late-summer gem.