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Spent Emotion. - Sauce1977 [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Sauce1977

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Spent Emotion. [May. 4th, 2004|12:20 pm]
Sauce1977


Christ.

I never thought that with teary eyes all morning, down I-10, to the 405, to LAX, return trip, and so forth . . . I'd miss Heidi so much.

She's just about to take off on her flight back to Detroit.

I returned home and cryed in the corner of my room, turning up the music player so as not to disturb the mojo of anyone.

I never understood these feelings as well as I do now.

Of course, when my best friend Brad moved out here, I was rather bummed. This day, however . . . is far tougher than those days.

Shit. I'm 27 years old, and I bawled like a baby.

On with the regularly scheduled program.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: renazle_dazzle
2004-05-04 12:52 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry Heidi had to go back. :( You obviously love her a lot! When you love someone that much, you shouldn't oturture yourself with "Goodbyes" Maybe you should ask Heidi to move out to Calli.
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2004-05-04 09:33 pm (UTC)
We have plans for Heidi to move here. The situation requires more months of work, her job transfer, and fingers and toes crossed.

I almost wanted to go with her on the plane.
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[User Picture]From: stitchn
2004-05-04 02:18 pm (UTC)
bless your heart
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2004-05-04 09:33 pm (UTC)
Thanks.
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[User Picture]From: sm0t
2004-05-04 03:32 pm (UTC)
Man, you should be happy you are capable of such emotions. I haven't cried in over a year and I feel kind of empty and cold inside.

You are in love. It may sound wierd, but relish the pain.
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2004-05-04 09:36 pm (UTC)
Risking extreme cliche . . .

There is some truth to the relish of the pain. If I don't accept it, I feel less of a real person.

A similar song without the Trent Reznor and the emo-goth would be the song "Hurt."
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2004-05-04 09:41 pm (UTC)
I didn't expect to be hit by this. Heidi didn't expect me to be hit by this, either . . . I expected to be a manly-man John Wayne "aw shucks, darlin' love of my life" about the situation, stopping short of a butt-slap as Heidi made her way into LAX.

Yet, the hour's drive to LAX was teary-eyed. I couldn't even converse, risking great chance of bawling in the car, followed by sudden multi-car accident from being unable to see.

Heidi and I met back in spring of 2002 at our old workplace. As for the time apart from each other, I moved out here in January, and I hadn't seen her since a return trip for my birthday on the 18th in Detroit. This was her first visit since I moved out here. I suppose the sudden months of loneliness had something to do with how hard this day was.

However, we did have lots of fun. I should finish a roll of film and process it and post some of the Angels game pictures.
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From: zboson
2004-05-04 07:26 pm (UTC)
Yeah. It's rough.

But it makes your time together that much more intense, and sweet. It makes every moment count. It makes you really feel each other.

So in that respect, the pain is worth it. The pain is always worth it. It is fantastic to be alive, and in love.

Keep on truckin'. =)
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2004-05-04 09:44 pm (UTC)
Of my internet friends, you surely know this to be true. :D

You are very correct. Our short days together were most enjoyable and wonderful. Merely sitting around the apartment equated itself as just fine, as it was all quality time.

The pain is most definitely worth it. If I were to depart this life today, I'd already have been happy that I know this feeling.

I will keep on keepin' on.
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[User Picture]From: elias
2004-05-05 08:28 am (UTC)
That took balls, Sauce.

I used to get shit for saying that when I visit my family in South America and its time to leave, I'm crying for about a week. You'd think someone died or something.

Now I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't go through this sort of thing and instead drifts through life sans emotions.
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2004-05-05 01:30 pm (UTC)
I did this at my grandmother's funeral.

I lost it during the ceremonies at the funeral home. The crowd launched into prayer, and I couldn't stop sobbing. I missed her so much, and it hit me right in the middle of the evening.

She died suddenly . . . this was my first experience of death of a loved and close relative. I was 20 years of age, and for the first days, I felt nothing . . . mostly shock . . . right up until that midpoint in the ceremony.

I also bawled quite heavily as I helped carry her casket. I was also a pall-bearer.
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[User Picture]From: elias
2004-05-06 07:19 am (UTC)
Going back to live at home is near impossible (at least for me).
You must be tough as hell!
I spent ONE night at my parents house and I couldn't wait to get back to my apartment. :P
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2004-05-05 01:27 pm (UTC)
Some folks may perish before they find someone to bring up such feelings.

I am quite lucky to have the opportunity.
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[User Picture]From: elias
2004-05-06 07:13 am (UTC)
Amen to that.
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[User Picture]From: hexhive99
2004-05-07 12:41 pm (UTC)
I hate goodbyes with a loved one (they make me sob too )even if the goodbye is not forever. I hope that you see her again soon and that it works out for her to move to CA with you :)
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2004-05-08 04:58 pm (UTC)
Thanks!

The hope sometimes acts as the only fuel.
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