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The Passion of the Harrington. - Sauce1977 [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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The Passion of the Harrington. [Jan. 13th, 2005|06:00 am]
[Special Music |Red Hot Chili Peppers - Minor Thing]

"For the Harringtons so loved the Lions, that they gave their favorite son, that whosoever believes in Joey should not fail, but have everlasting franchise success. For the Harringtons sent not Joey into Detroit to condemn the Lions franchise; but that the franchise through Joey might be saved." (Sauce 3:16-17).

For the Sins of the Franchise.


The following is a story of speculated interpretation* of events that may mave taken place.

The incidents whose absolute chronology may be determined with more or less probability can be constructed as follows:

Jesus Joey Harrington is born in Portland, Oregon, an outer-lying region in 1978. Much of his early life is left with question, but he is clearly born in the days of the reign of King Clay Ford Senior, a man who holds firm the fate and the fortunes of the Detroit Lions, a franchise under the dominion of the NFL. This Lions franchise captivates most football followers in the little hamlet of what can be known as Detroit, Michigan.

The Kingdom of the Fords.

The fans, members of the media, franchise administration, and the players for the Lions experience a plague of a long and fruitless reign.

No Rings on These Fingers.

We know more of Joey as he travels from his homeland to the desolate Detroit region in 2002.

They Did Not Know Who Posed in Their Midst.

Joey starts his ministry of salvation of the franchise shortly after his arrival in Detroit. The results of such efforts enter into notes by some as that of a savior, and a few folks on radio broadcasts dared to compare him. The locals anoint him early in his rookie season. That nickname quickly vanished under the razor-thin patience of the fans and local media.

His Days in Detroit Did Not Come Without Pain.

The land of hopefuls may not actually begin to see results of Joey's ministry of franchise success until he is around 30 years of age. The duration of his ministry should last around 15 seasons. However, he suffers, previously under the high head coach Mornhinweg and now Mariucci, under the governship of Pontius Matt Millen.

First Impotent Leadership Duo.

Second Impotent Leadership Duo.

The Figurehead of King Clay Ford . . . in Sum, the Blindness.

The M's signify the hopes of a King with fortunes faded. Under King Clay Ford Senior, many have long suffered in perpetual devotion to a derelict franchise. The M's will desire to wield power over the franchise, in an attempt to shape the team in a way that they feel is justified and righteous. This doctrine is followed by many similar high head coaches around the empire. The M's and the administration will fight among themselves for which one of them will best lead the franchise into the glorious final day. In multiple seasons, they will have the opportunity of selections from a pool of the most-promising young talents, searching for the right fit.

The Emperor, with One of the Hopefuls.

As the young savior begins to show progress in his ministry, the M's may begin to worry. Joey's ministry may actually work, but it may not fit into the designs of the M's, especially the high head coaches, as chronicled by a wise sage. Mariucci would desire to have great success during his term, and it is possible that the power of Joey could pose a threat to his share of the credit. Eventually, Joey may be betrayed by the body of high head coaches, and he could be exiled from the kingdom of the Lions, signified by the relationship of a Judas:

Number 8, the Judas of Rutgers, Mike McMahon.

The high coaches will desire the fleet-footed quarterbacks of the day, the shiny false idols of franchise worship.

They Make Money for the Kings.

This beastly age fills itself with clashes of inner-kingdom authority. However, the main change has yet to develop.

Who Runs This Ship of Fools?

Look to an eclipse of the moon for Clay Ford Senior's true passing of the torch to his son. Hide your prospects . . . they will continue to try to draft them and sacrifice them. The King Clay Ford Senior, however, will not know that Joey is the new-born king and savior of the franchise.

One of the Many Sacrifices.

On the final day of his career, Joey Harrington, the quarterback messiah, will give all those who would follow Joey a simple but profound ceremony to perform called the Harrington Supper. This ceremony would remind believers throughout time of the tremendous love that Joey and the Harrington Family have for the franchises, their fans, and the everlasting sport itself. The practice of this ceremony probably started in the beginning of his ministry, although the actual date of the most significant instance of this event has yet to be determined. This ceremony, first misinterpreted by a particular member of the media, would commemorate Joey's sacrifice, which would make possible a relationship. This relationship will serve as hope for all toward eternal franchise salvation. This service was so important that Joey proclaimed its significance:

"Eat this caviar of the franchise and drink its champagne, and you will have everlasting success." (Sauce 37:11).

From his sacrifice, other great quarterbacks will be allowed the opportunity to carry his story to perpetuate and emulate throughout time for all franchises. Some of the greats already exist, and they need Joey's help to carry on this hope. Through his sacrifice, all quarterbacks can be redeemed, and all those who believe in Joey shall be able to follow the sport with everlasting success.

The Quarterback Messiah.

*The views, words, and opinions expressed in this post are pure works of fiction and are not to be interpreted with any profound meaning. The respect maintains for those public figures mentioned in passing and in detail in a large amount in the author's soul. The pursuit of entertainment is largely the inspiration for this story.

© 2004 by Christopher sauce1977.


[User Picture]From: fruitpunch76
2005-01-13 12:56 pm (UTC)
Pure genius, yet borderline blasphemy ;-P
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2005-01-13 12:57 pm (UTC)
I've been waiting for the excommunication.

My electronic manuscript almost begs to be e-nailed to the door.
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From: xlindsayx
2005-01-13 08:30 pm (UTC)
the mustache pictures were the coolest.

e-nailed. haha
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2005-01-14 04:46 am (UTC)
The moustaches are my favorite touch to a public figure's image.

The translation from the history books didn't turn out completely correct . . . I had to fuzz up some connections . . . if you think about it, Pilate was like Roman mgmt. over the Herods . . . it just fit right this way.

Plus, I really enjoy the image link to the local press and media. :D
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