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Oil Baron Relative SPAM. [May. 18th, 2005|06:00 pm]
[In the Moment |DJ Testosterone - Waffles X 3]

The message (one of them):

From the desk of: Barrister Johnson Akudos (Esq.)
Principal partner/Attorney
77 Kingwood Road
Abuja, West Africa

Dear sauce1977,

Before I start, I must first apologize for this unsolicited mail to you.
I am aware that this is certainly an unconventional approach to establishing
a relationship, but you will realize the reason for my action after going
through this email.

I am Mr. Johnson Akudos, a solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to
Late Mr. Michael sauce1977 who of course shares the same surname as you.

I wish to notify you that on Jan. 31, 2000, off Oxnard Calif.: Aboard Alaska
Airways flight originating in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, and scheduled to stop
in San Francisco and then Seattle USA, crashed in the Pacific. All 88 people
aboard the ill fated flight died including my client and his family (2 children
and wife),

website:(web-link from www infoplease dot com . . . hell if I'm opening it),

Meanwhile, until the death of my client, He was a major crude oil (petroleum)
broker in the Middle East and Africa. He had in total both in Swiss Bank,
Middle East and African Banks, funds over $9Million Dollars.

The instruction on his will (bequest) mandated that in the invent of
unavailability of the people mention on his will, the attorney stands to nominate people
of the same last name to share in this inheritance. Since my client and his
family died along side with him, I am therefore empowered to nominate beneficiary
to this inheritance as stipulated on the bequest.

Since there is no know relative other than his immediate family who died
along side with him, I therefore seek your consent to nominate you as one
of the inheritor in view of the fact that you have the same last name and
from the same country of the deceased, so that the proceeds of this account
can be paid to you and then you can disburse as follows:

1) 60% to you.
2) 10% to Me
3) 30% to your any choice of Charity organizations.

I will obtain all necessary legal documents that will establish the legality
of this project. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us seeing
this project through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate
arrangement. I need your urgent response to enable us commence on this project.

More information will be communicated to you as soon as I hear from you.

Best regards,
Barrister Johnson Akudos (Esq.)


The Only Response:

Dear Mr. Barrister Johnson Akudos, Esquire,

You offend me with your liberal use of capitalization!

I quote:

1) 60% to you.
2) 10% to Me
3) 30% to your any choice of Charity organizations.

Agents for professional athletes in the United States usually take a cut of 2 to 3 percent of the negotiated offer.

10 percent! That's outrageous, my good man!

30 percent to Charity with a capital C?!? Please excuse me from this dubious insult!

Are you implying that by my American citizenship, you (as you denote, "Me") and charity (as you denote, "Charity" with a capital C) are subconsciously one in the same?

Who is this Charity? Is it a she? Does she also need money?

I understand that my relative, Mr. Michael sauce1977 and his family perished in a crash on an Alaska Airlines flight on January 31, 2000.

Was this due to the latent after-effects of the Y2K phenomenon?

If so, then we should concentrate our efforts on legal action against the makers of the non-compliant equipment of the wayward flight!

Furthermore . . . you should work for me, pro-bono!

Disregard the information in the above response. Allow me to point out a new concern.

If my relative, the late Mr. Michael sauce1977, perished, and I have received notice of this over five years from the tragedy, then my due diligence escapes me, Mr. Barrister Johnson Akudos, Esquire! You are correct in your solicitation! We, however, should go after the holders of the estate for proper justice!

In fact, we could pursue both options for restoration of my riches and family name!

I have reservations, Mr. Barrister Johnson Akudos, Esquire! This workload on my behalf could break the back of a strong man.

I, however, could do this myself. I do thank you very much for the information! You do deserve a tip! What is it that they use for currency in your country? Heck! Do you have PayPal? I'm rather without finance at the moment. May you accept some Burger King coupons? Do they have Burger King in Abuja? West Africa is quite a large region. Is this the right address in the letter? Will I know if you ever received the coupons?

I give you my warmest regards, Mr. Barrister Johnson Akudos, Esquire.


Mr. Christopher sauce1977, Assquire.


From: zboson
2005-05-18 10:09 pm (UTC)
You are officially my god.

Holy sh*t, I can't stop laughing.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2005-05-18 10:12 pm (UTC)
The scanner is the best invention since the Xerox copier.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2005-05-18 10:26 pm (UTC)
Imagine the wrenching of my unmentionable region in my suddenly wrankled underwear over the discovery of not one, two, three, but four solicitations . . . all escaped from the clutches of the magnificent Yahoo! SPAM-guard.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: renazle_dazzle
2005-05-19 12:37 am (UTC)
You are awesome. That's all there is to it.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2005-05-19 12:47 am (UTC)
How in blazes do they know if I'm related?

What does the actual link in my SPAM hold?

Whatever it is, it is a road that I choose not to take.

Like, if my last name was 'Johnson,' I'm sure there are quite a few of such a name as to make a random email (sent in quadruplicate) far-fetched.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: lordjunon
2005-05-19 01:27 am (UTC)
wow. my uhm. condolences. lol. Why praytel did you even open that? lol. Nice reply. haha.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2005-05-19 01:29 am (UTC)
There was no direct attachment to the message. Had there been one, I'd have checked-n-deleted it.

It's hard not to notice the message, sitting times four in one's inbox.
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