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Pedestrian Suicide. - Sauce1977 [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Pedestrian Suicide. [Sep. 14th, 2005|07:43 pm]
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[Special Music |Scooby Doo Theme.]

The following account drew inspiration from the spectacular occurrence endured by ryceratops. The following events happened to me about five years prior to today, give or take a year and fact.


I had a guy come after me and fail to leave me be when I almost ran him over in the parking lot of a Farmer Jack.

He was on the crossed-line walkway in front of the store when I pulled through, but I was going at a good 15 mph clip.

I figured that he would see me and stop, considering that there was no stop sign for me. Also, it is Michigan. Pedestrians have no rights.

Approximation of pedestrian.

He kept walking, and that split-second nerve helped me jam down on the brake, missing impact by inches. He glared at me with the fury of a man who has been quite insulted, and he made his way around the vehicle to yell at me. I pulled down my window a bit. I listened to the opening words and yelled through my open window, "WHATEVER," and I made a turn into the lot. I parked the car.

I stepped out to hear the man in approach. He still insisted that it was not only his right of way, but that I was quite an unsafe driver and shouldn't be behind the wheel. His only mistake was to estimate that I'd be scared.

I pulled out a pocket knife and jabbed it into his jugular. As he lay dying before me, I knelt on the blood-spattered ground and said, "that's what you get for being a prick around a Navy Seal, #@*%@#."

Actually, what happened did not include that last paragraph.

I did yell back at him, countering whatever he had said with my own indignation and insistence upon my right of way, with attention to pointing his lack of common sense in walking in front of a moving vehicle.

We walked, side by side, exchanging and/or shouting argument points. We ended the exchange of words after I was about to enter the store.

"You can continue all you want," I said in a decibel level audible for 20 yards, him next to me, following me at my side. "I'm going into this store, and I'm shopping."

"Fine," he yelled back, and he uttered some words, looking defeated. He hadn't talked any sense into me, and I was going to shop. He turned and walked away to the parking lot.

I walked through the register area with the night cashier giving me a once-over. I passed through with no trouble.

I made sure to keep an eye for him when I left the store. However, he had not waited for me. I drove home with my groceries and a good mind to watch out for crazies and suicide squirrels in the future.

[User Picture]From: ryceratops
2005-09-15 12:29 am (UTC)
whoa! i'm glad we arent both dead!

dead at the grocery store!
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2005-09-15 12:35 am (UTC)
When shopping turns fatal, it's a reaction most people don't believe. They should, however, because deaths by shopping are as frequent as deaths by automobile.
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[User Picture]From: gjenkins05
2005-09-15 01:12 am (UTC)
It's a good thing he didn't try to jack up your car or something. Then you really would have needed to beat his ass, lol.
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2005-09-15 01:22 am (UTC)
Well, you've met me, so you kind of know my size and that I'm not that kind of guy.

At the time, I could have beat his ass because I was not so much of a gimpy-backed weakling, as I am today.

That's probably why I acted the way I did.
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2005-09-15 01:49 am (UTC)
I probably should have stopped ahead of time to concede his right of way. I know this after a year in Los Angeles, where the pedestrian has every right known to man. And, I know about U-turns, which aren't usually allowed around these Michigan parts.

Oh, what a joy it was to just decide to go the other way on Santa Monica and not have to use a turn island (which is actually known as a Michigan Left).

I was surprised that he wanted to walk with me and argue, which was probably just as much of a surprise to him that I was going to walk to the Farmer Jack while arguing.
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From: hulagalinthesky
2005-09-15 12:24 pm (UTC)
"You can continue all you want," I said in a decibel level audible for 20 yards, him next to me, following me at my side. "I'm going into this store, and I'm shopping."

You told him!
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2005-09-15 03:17 pm (UTC)
I think we were both lucky that our aggression limited itself to a shouting match.
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