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Real Men of Genius Proposals: Michigan, USC. [Dec. 6th, 2006|09:15 am]
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[Current Location |Going to Hell, Land of Written Words]
[In the Moment |Lyrical]
[Special Music |Real Men of Genius]

On January 1st, 2007, the Michigan Wolverines and USC Trojans will face off in the 93rd Rose Bowl Game.

I just wrote these two ditties this morning. Anyone with announcing, singing, and satire skill should feel free to see what they can do with this.

For anyone in the universe not familiar with "Real Men of Genius," get a taste.


Real Men of Genius: Mr. Hail Hail to Michigan Fan

Real Men of Genius (Reaaaaal Men Of Genius)

Today we salute you, Mr. Hail Hail to Michigan Fan. (Mr. Hail Hail to Michigan Fan!)

Season after season, year after year, you try to focus ahead on one final game. (Look out Ohio Sta-aaate!)

"Just wait until the end of the year," you say, as your school just lost to an early season unranked opponent (Ron Zook, we'll give you charity one of these days!)

Sometimes, your school will feel the need to drop a second game to Michigan State. (Watch them riot in East Lansing!)

You will point out that you have more wins than any other program as though that is relevant to the current season. (Only Rutgers played more gaaa-aaaames!)

Pull out that fight song and rivalry game with Ohio State as the reason why Michigan should be champions every year. (The leaders and the beee-eesssst!)

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Northern School Elitist, and take comfort knowing that when you don't win your bowl game, you'll be back to a top ten rank when the preseason polls come out next year. (Mr. Hail Hail to Michigan Fan!)


Real Men of Genius: Mr. Trojans Southern California Fan

Real Men of Genius (Reaaaaal Men Of Genius)

Today we salute you, Mr. Trojans Southern California Fan. (Mr. Trojans Southern California Fan!)

Here's to the fans that believe the Pac-10 should be renamed Southern California Conference (The world revolves around Los Angeles!)

Sometimes, your arch rival, UCLA, will feel the need to bring you a batch of disappointment. (I'm a Bruins fan now!)

You will point out that you have more celebrities on the sidelines than any other school. (Hey, I just scored some Lakers front row tickets!)

You would be the first to point out that the abbreviation "USC" should belong only to the Trojans. (Spurrier uses latex!)

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Valley Centric Solar System, and take comfort knowing that when you come up short in popularity contests, even the lowliest fan can take comfort in having more popularity than O.J. Simpson. (Mr. Trojans Southern California Fan!)


As for the possible yawner that could be that #1 vs. #2 game, this is not the first time that a web-footed Florida Gators prostitute and a Napoleon-complex-addled Ohio State school worked together to help one of the schools win a national beauty contest.

This paragraph was put together by Andrew Lee, describing that glorious 1996 Gators football season:

The Gators have had many memorable games over the years, the most memorable being their National Championship game in 1997. The Gators won their first 10 games of the 1996 season including a 35 – 29 shootout between Danny Wuerffel and Peyton Manning before facing their arch rival Florida State. FSU defeated Florida 21 – 24 but there was much controversy that the FSU players were obviously out to get Wuerffel and told to hit him on every play. This resulted in many late hits that weren’t called by the referees. Fortunately for the Gators they got a 45 – 30 win over Alabama in the SEC Championship and Texas upset #3 Nebraska moving Florida to #3 and getting a rematch in the Sugar Bowl against FSU. This time Florida cruised to a 52 – 20 win over FSU and when #2 Arizona State was knocked off by #4 Ohio State in the Rose Bowl, Florida won the National Championship.

It's nice to know that what goes around doesn't come around.

USC and Michigan have faced off more than a few times in the Rose Bowl. I'm a fan of both schools.


[User Picture]From: prophecy03
2006-12-06 03:54 pm (UTC)
Sauce, you are undeniably my hero on LJ.

And I am indeed 'Mr. Hail Hail to Michigan Fan'.
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2006-12-06 03:59 pm (UTC)
Mario Manningham is so freaking awesome that he makes peoples' clothes disappear. nsfw
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[User Picture]From: holzerhedrpca
2006-12-06 08:04 pm (UTC)
The difference between the FLA/Free Shoes rematch and the one that didn't happen this year was that FLA won their conference.

Honestly though... there should be a playoff.
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2006-12-06 08:27 pm (UTC)
I just read a guy on SI.com that said good luck to that notion, which pretty much can be answered by myself in return to that of good luck with my paying more attention and taking college football seriously.

It was almost as ridiculous before the BCS, but with regard to year-by-year since 1998, I've been watching less and less college football. This year was the all-time low. I watched the MICH/OSU game, then I watched the ND/USC game, and the next week I watched the UCLA/USC game and the 2nd half of the UF/ARK SEC champ game.

I think I'd accept an argument of FL's conference championship as valid if it weren't for the fact that the BCS is still a poll-based system. Opinions mean that all Michigan had to do was start on a counter-campaign to Urban Meyer's groveling, and there's nothing I'd like to see more than the entire Bible Belt pissed off royally by the MICH/OSU rematch.

You can kind of think of me as the bizarro Jim Walden. If I had a vote, however, Florida would be dead last.

16 teams (all conf. winners plus wild cards on record and/or BCS) could easily use 15 bowls over 4 weeks to conduct this December Madness. Rotate the bowls as usual for the 4, 2, then 1. As for the argument about fans having to travel from place to place, they'd do it. If NCAA also kept the 6 win eligibility for bowls, they could conduct the rest of the 32 bowls at earlier time slots to that of the rounds of bowls. It's called the mess that is the structure of the NCAA and the resulting impossibility of getting all school presidents and prezs of the conferences to agree to this, plus scrapping the BCS outright probably wouldn't work because of contracts for I think three more years. So, if they couldn't scrap BCS, let's keep it, but make it a factor in the wild cards.

As for the long time between final NCAAF week and bowl games, plus the academic finals situation, plus the competition with the NFL . . .

1. I could give two shits about having fully-rested and energetic teams go at it in these bowls. They don't wait four weeks for a star running back to come back from a sprained ankle during the regular season. This is football, not a freaking tea party.

2. Please, school system finals, these kids are getting paid by the schools to conduct multiple-week ad campaigns for their campuses. And professors should have a Merry F'ing Xmas dealing with absentee exams from the student athletes, because nothing currently says pampered loonies than the college professors in every school. Also, March Madness pretty much screws with basketball student athletes for ever-increasing periods of time, so why can't we just drop the bullshit about missing finals week with these footballers?

3. Competition with the NFL is the crux, and while Sat/Sun are NFL during December, Fridays are open. What the hell's playing on Fridays on TV that is ever-so-important these days, anyway? High School action's done by now, and prime-time Fridays all through December would be perfect to stick in 4 rounds of action.
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[User Picture]From: ellie
2006-12-07 11:42 pm (UTC)
If you weren't in Detroit and didn't have an awesome girlfriend, I would hug you.
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2006-12-08 12:05 am (UTC)
If I wasn't a monsterous mutant in Detroit with an awesome girlfriend, then I would hug back.

Go Giants . . . but Tiki better come back next year. Or a Giants SB victory.

The old poll system was utter crap. This BCS system is better but 4 for 9 batting average crap. The Steelers, as much as I despised their run, still have that championship, and that's that. I prefer the Steelers to have a chance, in comparison to BCS and the old system.

I can't imagine the utter anger and division that would spawn in the NFL if the Colts were near or at the top for rankings, if they decided the Super Bowl with either method.
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