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Les Rivières Pourpres II - Les Anges de L'Apocalypse [The Crimson Rivers 2] (2004) - Sauce1977 [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Les Rivières Pourpres II - Les Anges de L'Apocalypse [The Crimson Rivers 2] (2004) [Feb. 4th, 2007|01:30 am]
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[Current Location |Detroit, MI, USA]
[Special Music |DUN-NUH-DUN-NUH-DUN-NUH-DUN-NUH . . .]

Imagine a film where Lèon the Professional (Jean Reno) is a Sherlock Holmes-type who teams up with a young man's-man cop fresh out the academy and a research specialist cop chick to solve a bizarre set of Se7en-style murders, only these murders are linked to each of 13 guys that pretty much have the same name and look pretty much like Jesus and the Apostles from Il Cenacolo or L'Ultima Cena (The Last Supper).

Now, throw in a late appearance from Count Dooku (Christopher Lee) and an entire platoon of Christian Ninja Monks hopped up on Nazi amphetamines, and, of course, make the object of desire for Dooku and the Ninja Monks be a mysterious Christian text linked to the apocalypse that is kept in a crypt that happens to be accessible through the underground part of the Maginot Line . . .

Hey, you totally have this film I watched tonight.

Not kidding.

The freaking Maginot Line! The defense so amazing as designed by the French but so ludicrous as to not be mobile, built within the countryside, and not built into a perimeter, so fantastically French to the point that it hardly kept the Nazis from completely entering France above and below it . . .

I love the French.

Who makes a film with Ninja Monks, Count Dooku, Sherlock Lèon the Professional, and the Maginot Line? The French!

Everyone I watched it with thought it was a bad film.

I thought it was frigging fantastic.

This film was way awesome-r than I'm describing it, here. You totally have to see these Ninja Monks. They're freaking crazy. And there was this fire-fight inside the Maginot Line that was pretty freaking cool for cinematography.

Plus, Christopher Lee doesn't even have to try to look evil. He just looks evil every day, in every way.

I gave it a 6 of 10 on IMDB, just because I was totally surprised by the inclusion of the Maginot Line into the plot.

So, see, the Maginot Line wasn't totally useless.

I love the French.

Je suis L'Homme de la Batte!

L'Homme de la Batte!


(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2007-02-04 07:09 am (UTC)
It's well worth the rental cost. Probably in specific due to the Ninja Monks.
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2007-02-04 07:25 am (UTC)
The only thing that truly blew about the version of the film I watched . . . they dubbed it for English. I'd have rather experienced the full ambiance of the français, with subtitles. 'Cuz I'm a subtitle-loving freak like that.

We didn't stay to finish out the movie Grandma's Boy, and that one had a 3-1 lame-to-somewhat funny joke ratio. I think it had Ray Romano's momma and that one nerdy guy, Joel Moore from the entourage of geeks from Dodgeball (not Justin Long, the actor who plays that retarded Mac dude in the Apple commercials). I've watched better comedy come out of my asshole.
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[User Picture]From: brushwithrob
2007-02-04 04:45 pm (UTC)
Going on Netflix right now!
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