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ESPN The Magazine Tells Detroit to Savor Paltry Morsels. [Jun. 9th, 2008|06:00 pm]
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[Current Location |Detroit, MI, USA]

Recently, ESPNTheMagazine published this.



by Ted Bauer

To: Citizens of Detroit

From: ESPNTheMag.Com

Dear D-Towners,

Enjoy this Cup. It may be a rocky road for a while.

The Tigers are currently 24-35, losers of three straight and 3-7 in their last ten. Leyland's patented rant—now copied by the likes of John McLaren—may have worked in 2006 (they started slow, then made the Series) but it's not working now. Despite a lineup that should terrify Greg Maddux in his prime, the team is essentially treading water.

The Pistons? Joe Dumars says "everyone is on the table." They might hire a long-term assistant as their head man when Avery Johnson is available (hey, so's Isiah!). Rasheed, arguably the most talented player on the team-first Pistons, is likely the first to go in a fire sale. The East may be weak, but 11 months out, we can't see the Pistons making seven straight Conference Finals.

Then there's the Lions.

College football's not much better. Over in Ann Arbor (you guys root for them, right?) Rich Rodriguez is a decent hire, but it won't pan out for a bit. He loses Pryor, an O-Lineman transfers to Ohio State (AH!!!!) and he's got more allegations swirling around him than Lindsay Lohan does suitors of both genders. Even if you root for Michigan State, well, can you really name any stars on Michigan State? Javon Ringer? His name is cooler than anything, really. (Jehuu Caulcrick? Same deal. Although theoretically it doesn't matter, since he's on the Jets.) Basically, if you're a Big 10 fan rooting for anyone except OSU, you're doomed. Beanie Wells? The guy is a machine. Now, if they make a national title game again, that's a whole 'nother story…

The Shock? They're pretty good (6-1 right now) and we love Laimbeer , but c'mon, can you really bet against Candace, Lisa and Hollywood for this season? She's the WNBA's savior!

City rankings? St. Louis replaced you guys as the most dangerous city in America in a few surveys but your mayor's involved in a sex scandal. Similar thing happened to our Governor over here in New York and his HS alma mater still hasn't recovered.

The point's simple: Detroit's won The Sporting News "Best Sports City" a couple of times; it's in contention for "TitleTown" this summer via ESPN platforms. It may win—historically, it's quite deserving and heck, it is the current home of the Stanley Cup. (Did Kwame Kilpatrick just get to bed? We think so.) However, if you're a Detroit fan, savor the present; the future just doesn't seem to hold much promise.

Hoping we're wrong,



Well, then! Does ESPN know something that Detroit does not? With social commentary dotted within the 'letter,' I don't know what to think for certain. But, like any 'citizen of Detroit,' I can certainly respond.


An Open Letter to ESPN, by sauce1977


From: Citizens of Detroit

Your news service didn't always portray itself as a lowly scandal rag. You've seen better days. Enjoy being a behemoth today; more credible sports outfits will eventually topple you.




[User Picture]From: holzerhedrpca
2008-06-10 02:27 am (UTC)

Anyway, comment take 2.

They seem to love shoving Avery Johnson down the Pistons' throat when he's clearly a bad fit for them. Didn't he just get fired from a team where he had no control over the roster? Didn't the coach of that team get fired because he had no control over the roster? Yeah, worldwide leader my ass.

And the Shock? Really ESPN, the Shock? You're going to shove the league down our throats like the NBA has? Detroiters should be worried more about Jerome Bettis' fucking asthma more than that shitpile of a fucking league. But hey, at least they have a video game coming out.
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2008-06-10 02:34 am (UTC)
lol that was one of the better jabs at the league that I've watched. Thank you for that.

I find a lot of the stuff just hard to believe these days re: ESPN, NBA, and anything to do with David Stern.
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