Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, who will lose his job because he lied while under oath at a police whistle-blower trial, has just pledged to tell the truth as he prepares to admit his guilt as part of a plea deal he just struck with the Wayne County Prosecutor.
The deal calls for Kilpatrick to plead guilty to two felony counts of obstruction of justice by committing perjury, agreeing to serve four months in jail, pay up to $1 million in restitution, and serve five years' probation. He also agreed not to run for office during that five-year span.
The mayor will turn over his state pension to the City of Detroit, which paid $8.4 million to settle two whistle-blower lawsuits three former cops filed against the city. The mayor was charged with eight felony counts ranging from conspiracy to perjury to misconduct in office to obstruction of justice after the Free Press revealed that the mayor lied on the witness stand during a police whistle-blower trial and gave misleading testimony about whether he intended to fire a deputy police chief investigating allegations of wrongdoing by members of his inner circle.
Following his plea, Kwame Kilpatrick was high-fiving everyone in arm's reach. "We did it!"
Okay, that's not true, but he did crack a joke, answering "no" to being satisfied with his legal counsel, when asked by the judge. Smooth move, ex-lax.
Inside, I weep for the city; the residents allowed him to take office. This will probably not change.
PS: FUCK YOU for preempting WDIV's NBC feed of NFL Kickoff with your bullshit farewell press conference. You ain't the mayor no more. Get the fuck out.
PPS: FUCK YOU TOO Republican National Convention, and NBC, for pushing the NFL game into an earlier time slot, and double-fuck you for holding a sceptre of imminence with your eminence. It was as if every fucking down was made in haste, just to avoid Heidi Bowl 2.
PPPS: FUCK DISASTER MOVIE THREEDEST. In little over a month, this summer of 2008, two feature films hit the top and bottom of IMDB's ratings list. Until late August, The Dark Knight was the highest-rated film, and it currently sits at #3 overall. As for the film laden with foreshadowing in its title, it currently sits #1 on IMDB's Bottom 250. The latest Friedberg & Seltzer comedy clearly kills laughter. These writers were probably finished for gags around the time of Date Movie. If this bomb doesn't cover the $20 million it cost to produce without having to resort to dvd and blu ray rental sales, then there hopefully won't be another. I wouldn't go to see this film if you paid me. I saw the trailer a handful of times this summer. That trailer was terrible. Apparently, the film is way worse. It's really difficult to score a zero percent on the tomatometer. Sure, not all of the "(x) Movie" films are horrible, but that's due to collaborations with other, better, funnier people. The Wayans brothers and David Zucker worked on these films. Zucker was one of the men responsible for Airplane!. However, Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, if left to continue, could possibly kill the spoof niche. Despite the brilliance of Tropic Thunder, films like Disaster Movie travel farther and carry more clout with negative reception. I don't want that genre to shut permanently. Friedberg & Seltzer are not funny anymore. SO STOP GREENLIGHTING THEM.