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Mrs. Jewel H. Taylor, My Last Nerve. - Sauce1977 [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Mrs. Jewel H. Taylor, My Last Nerve. [Dec. 21st, 2003|03:15 am]
[In the Moment |bitchybitchy]
[Special Music |Derrick May - Wiggin' [Juan Atkins Mix]]

Ohhhh, Mrs. Jewel H. Taylor, you had to toss this my way during my tormented hours.

Quick shot to my buddy Jason, who had his bday celebration today! I am happy to be his pal. Amy, his girlfriend, was my mom's student back in 5th grade. She is a very wonderful human.

Yet, back to Mrs. Taylor.

Mrs. Taylor, have you no spam shame?

You're as bad as this place.

And now, here is what Mrs. Taylor wants me to do. And, my responses.


To: Sucker (sauce1977.rm)

From: Mrs. Jewel H. Taylor.

(Former First Lady, Republic of Liberia, West Africa) First Lady? You're shitting me. For real?

I am Mrs. Jewel Howard Taylor, an Americo-Liberian by birth and wife of embattled President of war torn Liberia, Mr. Charles Taylor. I am an Economist by profession.

My husband just stepped down as the President of Liberia days ago, but matter were not helped when the UN special war crimes court of Sierra Leone indicted my husband for war crimes in June this year, demanding his prosecution. That's funny, I've never heard of Liberia doing anything much than being one of the countries on the African continent which sends these damn requests en masse, along with Nigeria.

Currently, I and my husband have been granted assylum in Nigeria, but I relocated my two sons (Williams and Charles Jnr.) immediately in July 2003 to Sao Tome and Principe ( a small oil rich island off the coasts of West Africa).

They are currently in hiding there under new identities, awaiting the out come of events in my country, and what will become of me and my husband in asylum. The reason is this During the political crisis some years ago in Sierra Leone ( a West African Country Rich in Diamonds), my husband was actively involved. Early
this year, he entrusted some large quantities of diamonds to me. So by now, Mrs. Taylor, I'm wondering what the hell your husband did to deserve all this trouble. Forgot to pay the electric bill? Didn't have a Capital One credit card?

He told me if anything happened to him, I should use it to take care of myself. Fearing its detection due to the volume, My son (Williams) traveled to South Africa with the diamonds (on my instructions) and sold them, netting a total of US $28,000,000.00 (Twenty Eighteen Million US Dollars only). He didn't try different currencies? I thought foreigners didn't like the United States . . . oh wait, that's right . . . they like our money. This money he moved into a South African safe house for protective custody under a different name.

Now, the south African Government has refused issuing neither him nor my family any visa to travel to their country again because of the current political situation.

This is why I need you to please either travel to South Africa to claim this money and subsequently deposit same in a reputable bank there for onward transfer to your account, or to instruct the safe house to move the funds out of there to any of their correspondence banks or offices in London or Europe, for onward
transfer to your account. Once you are able to show your sincerity, I will send the necessary correspondence and documentation related to the transaction to you to affect this. I am willing to forfeit 30% of the funds to you believing you
will hold 70% on trust for me and my two sons, until we are able to leave here to join you under new identities.In reality, Mrs. Taylor, if you were genuine, and you sent this out to a huge number of people, by now they'd have found a way to take the money from you, without ever so much as a response. Is this sincere enough for you?

My first son Williams is 27 years old (an Economist) Economist? Is this supposed to impress me? and Charles Jhr. is only 21 Years old. My Daughter Helen died in October 1999 from complications of Pneumonia. Please note that my husband is not even aware that I sole the diamonds, nor does he know the whereabouts of the funds. Once I am sure the funds are safely out of Africa, I will divorce him and leave with my two sons to start a new life.Mrs. Taylor, this story is sick. Where'd you get it, a soap opera? Mind if I use this as a plot in a story?

If you cannot help us, simply destroy this and forget I ever contacted you. Sorry, Mrs. Taylor. I don't follow orders well sometimes. You can reply me through my e-mail address [Jewel <jtaylor@tatanova.com>]

May God guide you in whatever you decide and thank you for taking out time to read this request, Don't let this transaction down get back to me immediatly.

Fondest Regards,

Mrs. Jewel H. Taylor.


Mrs. Taylor, or whatever your scam team is, I am guided by God. May God bless you, as such emails denote to me a need for spiritual cleansing, or at least a bowel movement.

As much as it pains me to say this, Mrs. Taylor, probably only a handful of people in Africa have close to that much money, and they wouldn't be as silly as this email details. Plus, I'm a broke-ass buster. However, I did read such words of yours, and I must say . . . .



Go read about Pirates and work done for South Africa.


[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2003-12-21 08:41 am (UTC)
Also, shot out to Ken, who toughed it out with me through the Bullhorns of Hell in that horrid place.

And of course, the nice folks through Amy that travelled from Kzoo, whose names I cannot remember until you talk to me more than once. But, rest assured, I'd be able to pick you out in a crowd by your face.

Oh, and Heidi my love, I love you forever.
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2003-12-21 08:57 am (UTC)

Interestingly enough . . .


This spam actually has enough current facts as published by the CIA.
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From: 0loves1
2003-12-21 09:53 pm (UTC)
Haha I've had a friend go back and forth with some people over that same scam. But is its really worse than Wild Woody's? hehe
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2003-12-22 05:39 am (UTC)
The dude wasn't a real DJ, he was a spinner, meaning, he played music, but he just amped up the RPMs about 20-25% on every song.

Obligatory Outkast and Michael Jackson, which would have been cool if not for the sped-up nature.

No beer pitcher sales after 10:30PM. $5 cover charge for men only. Mandatory coat check, which also cost. Bottles were expensive, hence the quick cutoff of pitchers. The music sucked, it was too loud, and the asshole spinner kept blowing this hockey-goal-horn at odd times, with no warning. After three shots of the horn in a minute, I couldn't take it anymore, and I had to leave.

It's a place for people who don't know what real music, dancing, and love are.
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From: 0loves1
2003-12-23 12:47 am (UTC)
Oh come now that sounds just like my kinda place. Those DJ's are sp pretentious anyhow. I'd rather listen to a spinner...haha and nothing gets me dancing like a bull horn ;)
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2003-12-23 12:54 am (UTC)
I like to listen to people of all types, spinners and DJs.

Actually, the spinner was the last straw. The first straw was long before this night, back when they had a dress code.

This place tries to act like a social club for horny suburban morons.

Actually, for the women it's pretty nice. They don't get the cover charges, nor are they in an environment where they do not feel safe.

For everyone else, however, especially men, the treatment is lame.

They had these two waitresses up on a ledge, with bottles of schnapps. The waitresses, for a buck, would put the bar-nozzle close, if not in your mouth, and you could get a really huge shot of schnapps.

I hope no one had oral herpes. :D
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