|I Quit Smoking for 5 Hours!
||[Feb. 24th, 2004|03:54 pm]
|[||In the Moment
|||||Nirvana - Scentless Apprentice||]|
Thank you, acid_burn_007! You inspired me to write a bit today.
The original post, "On Ethics #1 - Time" can be found here.
It's sometimes a choice to mute one's life.
acid_burn_007 wrote on Feb 15, 2004,
On ethics #1-TIME
I wasted the last three hours of my life playing the Sims and sleeping. Why? Because I'm sick of all this "portable" shit. I know people always say that our lives are too rushed, but you don't really notice until you catch yourself in it. I noticed it so much at work today. First off, for lunch, come on, I'm sitting on my MOBILE phone (so I don't have to sit at home to talk) with SOUP AT HAND as my lunch. Fuck corporations and their making everything so damn "convenient." I think they're trying to force us all into mental illness. That's probably a big part of my problems in life. After eating my portable lunch, one of my clients and I went to Wal-Mart to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring. This was a very big step for him, and it took him awhile to check out the different rings. I was enjoying how long the process took, and was envious in a sort of way that my clients can live more simply. They don't have cell phones or pagers, or have to schedule their boyfriends in, like I pretty much do. But I was happy with my client then knowing how excited he was, and smiled every time he asked: "Nicolette, is this one good?" "Will she like this ring?" "It's three dollars and ninety-nine cents? ("no, ____, it's three HUNDRED and ninety-nine dollars)" and so on. It took about a half an hour, and I wanted to punch the people on the other side of the counter that were tapping their fingers on the counter and letting out exasperated sighs. Maybe that would enlighten them. But, because I am a logical person, I abstained, of course. We only live once (ok, several times for the pagans/hindus reading this, but still...). Why rush it?
Very good observations, acid_burn_007, and I agree. I've been there before, and repeatedly, with that feeling . . . with the exception of being addressed as Nicolette.
Sometimes I feel like I need to shut out the urges to multi-task.
At 6:30 AM, after listening to the crazy upstairs neighbors thump around for 4 hours, my last smoke went up in flames.
I said to myself, "I'm tired now, and I hate this chemical crutch."
So I went to sleep, and I made an effort to sleep as long as possible in order to keep from the eventual crazy feelings and senses that come with going for more than a couple hours without nicotine.
My body woke me up right before noon, howling on the inside.
"Chris, this is your monkey. FEED THE GODDAMN MONKEY!!! What is wrong with you? Are you crazy? Smell that? Yeah, you can smell. Yeah, that's what the Los Angeles air smells like! You didn't know because you were keeping me fed. But know this: You need to feed . . . the MONKEY!!!"
After the internal episode, I washed up. I debated the feelings for another 15 minutes on the walk to the store. I kind of missed and did not want those feelings at the same time. Knowing what something smells like, to have the sense so crisp, especially with regards to catching a whiff of fresh dog poo, it disturbs and surprises, all at once.
So, 5 hours of quitting, oh well. The monkey is a vicious and crude negotiator.
I'll beat it yet.
I guess my point is . . . some people are so afraid, gripped by fear, that they cannot deal with the sheer idle time on their hands, so much to the point that like me, they nose themselves into a stupor . . . only multi-tasking is the addictive source, where as I choose to input a chemical with by-products that could cause cancer and take away my short-term crisp senses.
The writing inspired me to listen to one of my favorite albums of all time, Nirvana's In Utero.
Again, thank you kingly, acid_burn_007.
Quick Note: I look forward to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.