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I Know "Jesus" Was Released on the Masses . . . - Sauce1977 [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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I Know "Jesus" Was Released on the Masses . . . [Feb. 26th, 2004|02:47 pm]
[In the Moment |crazycrazy]
[Special Music |Simon and Garfunkel - I Am A Rock]

However, the desire to become a minister I did not receive in response to watching Passion.


"junita elliott" <afomaba@pilotemail.com> wrote:

Minister Charles Simpson has the power to make you a LEGALLY ORDAINED MINISTER within 48 hours!


As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church!

Don't settle for being the BEST MAN OR BRIDES' MAID
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.

A very hard time for you and your family
Don't settle for a minister you don't know!
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.

What a special way to welcome a child of God.

The Catholic Church has practiced the forgiveness of sins for centuries
**Forgiveness of Sins is granted to all who ask in sincerity and willingness to change for the better!

Since you will be a Certified Minister, you can visit others in need!
Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed from the flock

After your LEGAL ORDINATION, you may start your own congregation!

At this point you must be wondering how much the Certificate costs. Right? Well, let's talk about how much the program is worth. Considering the value of becoming a CERTIFIED MINISTER I'd say the program is easily worth $100. Wouldn't you agree? However, it won't cost that much. Not even close! My goal is to make this life changing program affordable so average folks can benefit from the power of it.

Since I know how much you want to help others, you're going to receive your Minister Certification for under $100.00... Not even $50.00... You are going to receive the entire life-changing course for only $29.95.

For only $29.95 you will receive:
1. 8-inch by 10-inch certificate in color, with gold seal
(Certificate professionally printed by an ink press)
2. Proof of Minister Certification in your name
3. Shipping is free

(missing link to spam-glorious ordainment)

-----Original Message-----
From: Customer Service [mailto:ilmn@lupwf.com]
Sent: Wednesday, February 18, 2004 8:48 AM
To: Gary
Subject: Re: Question
The dog uttered a fierce growl and sprang upon him with bared teeth and flashing red eyes
Instantly Rob drew the electric tube from his pocket, pointed it at the dog and pressed the button

Almost at the same moment the dog gave a yelp, rolled over once or twice and lay still
I guess that'll settle him, laughed the boy; but just then he heard an angry shout, and looking around saw a policeman running toward himP O 120 0, Orange s tad, A rub a
Kill me dog, will ye--eh? yelled the officer; well, I'll just run ye in for that same, an' ye'll spend the night in the lockup! And on he came, with drawn club in one hand and a big revolver in the other



1. What in Sweet Jesus's name does the "Original Message" have to do with becoming an ordained minister?

2. Is this like getting a college degree through the mail from the university of your choice?


All I know is, it's such a great email, that it receives my response:

I Sp-am Special.

No. But thanks for sharin' with me, Junita Elliott !!!

[User Picture]From: freys
2004-02-26 04:28 pm (UTC)
Oh my god, hah! It's people like this who've earned Christians a reputation of abnoxiousness and obsession. o_O Almost as bad as this.
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2004-02-26 04:44 pm (UTC)
I wonder if this is really sanctioned by St. Matthews Church.

Whatever denomination that is from, just like this letter.

They smell of back-yard brew-ha-ha to me.

I don't doubt the power of spiritual phenomenon, but creation of said phenomenon is pretty interesting.

It's a fine line that people walk with these offerings of Jesus rugs and religious emails. I'm not sure what my real and final opinion on it is because I don't have one.

However, it seems silly to send out a "Become Ordained" email offer when I have no idea what 'church' it is in reference.

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[User Picture]From: fruitpunch76
2004-02-27 06:39 am (UTC)

Not surprising

Someone I used to work with at the Blind & Wallpaper place mailed in for a minister certificate, and would always "remind" me about it. He was in no means qualified, but he had the paperwork. It was quite amusing. Yeah, this is a scam scam scam!
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2004-02-27 11:23 am (UTC)

Re: Not surprising


What a precious meat.

Hormel's not doing a good job of defending the name of their sacred meat.
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[User Picture]From: anthrogeek
2004-02-26 05:06 pm (UTC)
did you take this picture at the movies? you really felt like you had to remember that moment, huh? =P
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2004-02-26 05:39 pm (UTC)
The picture is actually from one of the ones I took while at Detroit's Movement festival in 2003.

Watching Detroit techno does that to me.
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[User Picture]From: anthrogeek
2004-02-26 09:01 pm (UTC)
i was wondering why you looked so happy to be at the movies. lol. now i know. :0)
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2004-02-26 09:24 pm (UTC)
Hur hur.

I needed the biggest happy face I could find.

That was it.

I really need to borrow my friend's digital camera. People are dying for pictures.
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[User Picture]From: sm0t
2004-02-27 05:54 am (UTC)
Does that give me the power to condemn people to Hell too?
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2004-02-27 11:22 am (UTC)
I would imagine so!

Although, I liked how they compared their power-sale as if it was a Catholic fire-sale.

They should know damn well that Catholics don't give away anything, except for clothes and cans of food to the poor.

I was tempted by the gold seal, but then I thought, nah, I can already raise by eyebrows, widen my eyes, arch back while pointing a finger forward, and shout,

"BlashPHEMER! THE POWER of Christ compels you!"

It's fun to do at parties with lots of alcohol.
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[User Picture]From: fruitpunch76
2004-02-27 12:48 pm (UTC)
You are bad
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2004-02-27 06:02 pm (UTC)
I'm worse for not coming up with more clever comedy.

On with the schnozz!
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[User Picture]From: sauce1977
2004-02-28 07:23 pm (UTC)

Or better yet . . .

On with the Fonz!

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